the last line(s) of the first stanza
and second stanzas are great,
and the whole third stanza is a knockout.

I like what you did with the rhyme scheme.

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I am a poetry admin for =DailyLitDeviations.

I'd say 'orange peels' rather than 'an orange peel'. Firstly, because it's plural as is the word 'whispers' and secondly, because I think the line is a bit too long.

Out of curiousity, though, who is the speaker? It was reminiscent of a televangelist at the end.

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*Rhyme-and-Reason-check it out!

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow

Thank you. I wonder, did you listen to the recording?

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Harmonize your inward and your outward life, and you soul will know no bounds of joy.

The speaker is just a fictional human being. I thought of the first lines of the poem while I attended a church service for the first time in many months.

I, in fact, do not pray. When silent prayers occur, I usually fold my hands and say something to the effect of "God, I don't know if you are listening or not but if you are I don't know what to say to you. Sorry." after which I sit with my head bowed and think about poetry until the prayer is over. So the speaker is based on myself and my thoughts on religion, but he is not me. I do not hate myself for praying, though it does somewhat bother me, at times, that I don't. If anything, we have opposite problems.

As per the orange peel problem, I'll say that I've tweaked that line many times and probably will continue to tweak it. I agree that the paralellism fails, and that the line is too long. However, the speaker being rigid as he is needs the structure of his perfect rhyme scheme, so the word will have to end with a perfect rhyme for "kneel" and "feel." I may go back to the original ending there "like severed steel." but I do not think I like it as much. I'll have to think it over.

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Harmonize your inward and your outward life, and you soul will know no bounds of joy.

No, silly...I meant on the recording

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*Rhyme-and-Reason-check it out!

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow

I'm sorry. I use the term "speaker" to refer to the narrator of a poem.

I spoke into two microphones attached to my computer and converted my voice into an mp3 that I posted to that website so you could hear it. I made 15 recordings before I got one I was happy with.

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Harmonize your inward and your outward life, and you soul will know no bounds of joy.

Yeah see, that's what I thought at first.
And then I got confused...(sorry, it's been a long day)
But that was a very powerful delivery!

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*Rhyme-and-Reason-check it out!

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow

Thank you. I hesitate to call myself a good poety, especially when reading published works, but I do believe I am a good speaker of poetry.

Because I have heard published poets read their own poetry out loud.

And I am much better.

But this is why i like Dylan Thomas. He knew how to read.

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Harmonize your inward and your outward life, and you soul will know no bounds of joy.

I've been to a few slams and what usually strikes me is the flat, monotone voice that many poets seem to find necessary. I'm sure you know which voice I mean.
Have you had any theatre training? Because it sounded a bit like you may.

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*Rhyme-and-Reason-check it out!

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow