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The twelfth date and... by ~ashellessmind:iconashellessmind:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Mature Romance > Open


I decided: a mole!
No decomposing digits to tunnel through.
                               Can you dig it?

To breathe this dirt.
                To curl
                   deep 
              within it.

Simple existence!
buried in your back yard,
                                          (or in the blood pumped out your arms
                                          like the mole who is living
                                          in your holy heart.)

I'd burrow into and out of
                         your hard
                            feelings
                                  for me.
©2007-2009 ~ashellessmind
:iconashellessmind:

Author's Comments

Title: "The Twelfth Date and My Delayed Response to 'What Animal Would You Be and Why?"

Please, please, please listen to the recording of me reading the poem. 90% of my poetry comes out when the words are spoken out loud. A link to an audio recording is here: [link]


Click the little triangle. Hear the little mp3.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:icon007-math:
~007-Math Apr 25, 2007, 9:00:01 PM
I'd burrow into and out of
your hard
feelings
for me.

Now that is a clever metaphor and I like what you've done here.

--
0011110000110011
:iconnegated:
=Negated Apr 26, 2007, 3:26:49 PM
I love how 'dig' after 'digits' made me blink, then feel silly for thinking it was a mistake. Maybe I'm just slow today :P

this is short, but that works to its advantage-- especially with your full title. Its almost fast enough to run by in a few seconds, in a delayed response.. Captures the feeling of the moment very well. And there's something a little ironic about it being the twelfth date, but she's got nothing better to ask you than what animal would you be; the stagnating relationship that stubbornly refuses to be ended.

The extended metaphor was pulled off quite well, without being remotely cliche, all the imagery about a little mole, digging and digging through (ouch!) a heart.

There's just nothing about this that I don't love, really. :heart:

--
| MIMESIS |
:iconashellessmind:
~ashellessmind Apr 28, 2007, 7:26:08 PM
thanks. i appreciate it.

--
Harmonize your inward and your outward life, and you soul will know no bounds of joy.
:iconashellessmind:
~ashellessmind Apr 28, 2007, 7:26:29 PM
you're very kind. thank you.

--
Harmonize your inward and your outward life, and you soul will know no bounds of joy.
:iconashellessmind:
~ashellessmind Apr 28, 2007, 7:26:54 PM
thank you :)

--
Harmonize your inward and your outward life, and you soul will know no bounds of joy.
:iconelaboratedream:
~elaboratedream Apr 30, 2007, 1:39:54 PM
This is sad. But I liked reading it.

What were you trying to say with wholly heart?

--
I think I'll wait another year.
Can't we just wait together?
You bring the smokes, I'll bring the beer.
:iconashellessmind:
~ashellessmind May 2, 2007, 1:00:54 PM
holey, holy.

--
Harmonize your inward and your outward life, and you soul will know no bounds of joy.
:iconnailsforbreakfest:
~nailsforbreakfest May 3, 2007, 11:27:17 AM
i dig it.

--
and everything i have is trite and cheap and a waste of paint, of tape, of time.
:iconashellessmind:
~ashellessmind May 3, 2007, 6:26:24 PM
awesome. Let me know when you get to the other side.

--
Harmonize your inward and your outward life, and you soul will know no bounds of joy.
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