literature

Tracking Rain

Deviation Actions

ashellessmind's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

The insinuation of soft salt-rose-petaled
rain pelting the window whistles
into these too changeable ears until 24 years,

seized with overbearing yearning, pour
into a single glass. The year I became Christian,
which is the year you drowned me

in a reign of love, whisks castaway
among a torrent of lingering & malingering
& my engulfment is recast

as you lifting me dripping to the surface.

Soon the self I had perceived hardly seems to be,
but for a faint rattling like that of train
tracks being racked upon my brainwaves

& although stronger metallurgy leads to more
pristine machinery, so does the warping
of the rack lead to both a wandering from
& wonderment at a rainy day's brilliant

ability to diffuse.
rewritten
© 2013 - 2024 ashellessmind
Comments3
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i-too-am-karamazov's avatar
I'm very much taken with this revision. It is powerful.

I wonder though if it would be even more so if it ended "dripping to the surface" and you could use what works in the following stanzas to seed new poetry.

Why not lift instead of lifting?

Good job.